Today I had a hair cut. Always a dreaded event because so often it goes wrong and when you've had such long thick hair that becomes more than just 'my hair' its hard to part from it. But there was more to it all this time and the temptation to have it all chopped off was there looming in my stomach...go on, just do it! But the guts were not there, it would just end in tears. Yes, I fear a midlife crisis with many questions that need not just answering but some action taken too. There is the need to make a statement, I need to say "This is me, see me". So is chopping all my hair off the answer, or maybe just let the grey show? its been there for nearly 20 years surely it deserves to be recognized? How many women out there that are fast approaching the big 40 show their true colours? How many do it with pride? I hope there are many but I have the feeling there are not. Men get laughed at when they try covering signs of their maturing years, men look 'distinguished'. Women are constantly bombarded by messages that encourage them to cover up any signs of aging, we have to stay young looking to be 'attractive'. As we age we are forgotten, to be unattractive too, we may as well not exist. Underneath all those dyes and paints do we really know what we look like? Do we actually 'see' each other and I mean really see, not with just open eyes but open hearts too? If we can be true to ourselves without hiding and changing things and be healthy then why can that not be enough? I FEEL young, surely that should be enough?
I want to be me. After 20 years of covering up do I have the guts to let the age show? Do I raise my middle finger to pressures? Do I run free shouting 'I did it and I don't care what you think!'? Or will this nagging feeling in my gut and heart that seems to get louder and louder pass?
The wind and rain beckons me so yes I will run very soon, whether its because I am free I'm not sure but I will be laughing, a wet, muddy run always makes me laugh.